so it goes.

I've made a lot of decisions, in a short amount of time. Now it's time to actually follow through with everything that I said I would do.
I don't feel it's the time for sitting pretty, and plotting. It's time for some action.
My school situation, I've decided I will start for next yr's spring semester. What school? I have no idea yet, but my conclusion is this: I want to design, I want to style, and I want to write. So where ever I do go, I must have those options.
Another thing, I want to continue to broaden my horizons. I want to learn about new things, see new places, and meet new people, when and where ever I can. This summer is basically dedicated to doing so. I don't want to look back on this coming summer and ask myself "what the fuck did i do that was remotely interesting?"
My last post, I wrote about how unsure of everything I was, and I realized it was because change is happening so quickly whether I like it or not. I think I was trying hard to fight against it, when instead I should be fighting with it. I'm never truly satisfied in life, and I think I was starting to get comfortable, and BOOM! it just came out of no where.
I woke up one morning, and decided that I don't want to do what I'm doing now.
I want to actually live life. However means possible. With friends, family, whomever deems themselves worthy.
Everything that I said I was going to do, watch me do it.
Enjoy the show.

out loud.

i'm back to those feelings of uncertainity, and i just don't know anymore. I want so much for myself, and I just don't know where to begin.
Everything seems to be a trigger for me to start tearing up, I don't know what this is.
I don't really feel down, but again, I do not feel like myself. I feel change coming, I feel change happening, and I don't know how to stop it. Or if I want to stop it.
I just feel so different, that it's actually being to scare me. Is this normal?
What's crazy is, I can see how people are starting to look at me differently.
More than enough times recently, people have told me that I'm different in some way, each having various reasons.
Sure that's going to happen, but at the same time, is it really that noticeable?
I hate feeling so unsure of myself, unsure of EVERYTHING.
I feel so average, and plain, but when they tell me the opposite, it's like what are you looking at?
When they say, you're talented, I'm asking at what?
I can sit pretty, and plot about this all day, and not come up with a single conclusion.
Change is inevitable, which is completely understandable, but if change is suppose to be good for a person, why do I feel like this?

birthday.

is in two days.
is it weird to feel just a little bit nervous?
I should feel excited, no?

20.
ah man.

and it continues..

we had a big fight.
and we made up.

sigh.
i love us.
he's sleeping with me, as usual.
i'm not insanely tired, so here i am.

and we continue on, perfectly.

btw, may 28 it'll be a year and 1/2!
WOOO!!

on a next note.

so i was asked today why i don't blog anymore.
so here i am blogging.

I'm fed up, like extremely, like deeply annoyed by like everything my boyfriend is doing right now.
and I don't know what it is.
maybe because i'm going to be ragging in the next couple of days
or maybe it's because he's just been acting mad weird for the past couple of days.
but yeah, like I'm just deeply annoyed, with talking to him.

like am i losing that lovey dovey feeling, the "i don't care what you do because you make me happy regardless" feeling?
like shit isn't cute anymore, and i don't know if like our relationship passed that "honeymoon" phase.
honestly, right now, i couldn't give a fuck.

you know what pisses me off about guys?
like when they ask you a question, you have to answer them or it's a fucking issue.
but as soon as you ask them something, it's why you ask that?
i didn't ask for a question with my question, i asked for an answer, i don't understand what YOU can't comprehend.

and you know what?
i felt like blogging tonight
but HE fucked up my mood.

fuck it.